The moment when you think about what you should have said previously... and that you only have the one and only golden chance to say it in life.

When I occasionally saw this post written by my friend on facebook, I sighed so heavily. 'Cause I have the same exact feeling as her, wishing that I could turn back time.....Repentance literally overloaded that I wanted to slap myself hard, as in intense pain only I'm able to wake up and come to realise the truth. But apparently no way I could do it. Once I've missed it, that is a regret that lasts a lifetime. What I'm now talking about is my awfully terrible performance in a freaking important interview (to me).

Well, it was a rainy day. In school, I was so stressed out busy reading all the infos I searched on the internet. Ahh my heart beated so fast (damn, I wasn't even there yet!) and I kept on telling myself to chillax, it's just a freaking normal event that I just need to act ordinarily as usual. But I've been longing for it since numberless years ago how on earth could I calm down so easily.

When I reached there with YJ, we registered ourselves and entered the hall. I greeted the other students and asked them where they come from and stuff. They were all initiative and driving so we all got to know each other really fast. After all the candidates had arrived, we started with some games which I found out quite funny. The first one was dancing.  Secondly ice breaking, which we're required to introduce ourselves and invent an unique trademark with our own 'copyrights'. While we were carrying out the activities, we were called out for our personal interview one by one. We then proceeded with a game which requires us to remember other people's name and their standing position. Honestly I don't see the point in it, as I forgot about 50% of the student's name right after it ended lmao.

We're divided into 3 groups, which mine had 5 members. We were requested to think about our group name, (with the combination of the name of a youtuber and a Marvel superhero) and group cheer. We had to draw our design on a Mahjong paper too. So we picked Thor Smosh, well, ashamed to tell that I'd never watched any superhero movie and youtube videos before (IKR, virtually frog under the well lol) so I just followed and agreed with their ideas. We presented it in front of others, and talked about the reason we chose this name and etc.

After a short break, we continued with a brainstorming activity. Each group was given a topic and we had to discuss about that. We got 'race discrimination', which was quite simple. We were all expressing our opinions so happily when someone tapped my shoulder. 

"It's your turn for interview."

Kay, so I took a deep breath, stood up and tailed after the volunteer. I brought along my bag and entered the room. There were only 2 interviewers and I guessed that's the reason that made me slackened. I talked about (INFINITE!) things that I wasnt supposed to say. When I was having a mock interview with myself at home, I didn't even thought of them. They suddenly popped out in my mind and slipped out of my mouth so naturally. I stammered too, 'cause my brain was in utter blank (That's why I talked about SHITS.) instead of filling with chaos (which would be much better I guess even if they made my head congested.). Despite the fact that I studied a lot.....knowledges were nowhere in my mind...

Then I realise something, overly tensed and strained to the max causes either insanity or losing of memory.

They asked about 4 to 5 questions, ranging from insignificant stuff to current affairs or malaysian culture. There was one thing I was quite confused with - he's interested in my parents' occupation. (Probably relevant, idk)

Okay so that's the end of my (first interview in) life. Doomed. They didn't seem to be impressed and I know I fking messed up the interview.  I was so down and upset afterwards causing me to be uninterested in talking over. Nevertheless, I did express quite a lot of my thoughts in the presentation, though the volunteers didn‘t really pay attention to my(our) talking. Err they acted to look unbothered(?)

So in the very end, the volunteers talked about their experience in the afs student exchange program. We're not even confirmed being selected and their act were making our dreams to soar high to the skies and our wonderful imaginations to be constituted....Ahh, then if we don't pass the interview....

Instantly back to the reality. Life is a cruel roller coaster ride. 

So, I've made some self-critisms, one of it is - I should be able to switch to my serious and vivacious mode accordingly. I'm really not capable of doing it with ease. 

Alright, lastly #prayhard